"GOODBYES" SUCK DICK.

Dear Blog,

When I was traveling I'd hear the conversation of "good-byes" come up often. Usually along the lines of, "Man, I'm shit at goodbyes... K BYE!" The classic, 'awkward because you clearly can't deal with feelings' goodbye. BUT HEY, FAIR ENOUGH. When I was living in a hostel for months, people would come and go all of the friggen time. In the case of Australia, I met many amazing people, we'd have a blast over a 48 hour period, then they'd carry on. However, the likelihood of bumping into each other in another town was fairly realistic considering how constructed the Aussie backpacker trail is. Easy!

Then there are times you really don't know if you'll see some people again. For instance, when you're the traveler but the people around you are stationed in a place for an extended period of time. This is the issue I'm experiencing just now. I've made a life in Edinburgh. I've met, worked, and lived with an array of incredible people. I bought posters and other useless decor. I was living an adult life. Now that I'm moving on, over the past few days I've had this thought sweep over me, questioning, "Why are you doing this? It's so much easier not to leave" If I don't really think about it, my answer would be, "I'm ready. I've been ready for awhile and I'm ready to go". After all, Scotland was a spontaneous detour. However, the closer it got to my leaving date, I noticed the stress of picking up and leaving this place had come in like a tidal wave. I was a pure wreck.

Does saying goodbye get easier? No. It just starts to become some sort of stupid routine. Sometimes you have to act like you don't give a fuck (PLAY IT COOL, GUY) or there are other times when you can't hold it together and cry like an infant. I've had a mix of both... I mean... I do love a good cry. However, over time, it's made me realize I've become a bit emotionally stunted by this. When you see some people you truly care about leave, or when you leave them, I've learned you just have to let it go man. You need to be numb and not even think about it- BECAUSE IF YOU DO- you'll be crippled with despair and won't do anything with your life. Denial is the name of the game, friends.

It's extremely upsetting not knowing the next time I'll see some of my friends. The reason I'm not a complete mess of a person is because I know, if we want to meet again, we can make it happen. It's a small world after all.

Cheesy memory gallery

Needless to say I was crying a lot in public (because I'm a little baby girl) and thought about it too much and man that was a fun plane ride filled with spontaneous sobbing.

PS. I MADE IT. I'M ALIVE IN THAILAND.